history of a friendship

Friendship is born at that moment when one person

says to another, "What!  You too?  I thought I was the only one."

C.S. Lewis

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Today, I have been going through a lot of old pictures.  Not an easy task, considering that Mama or I have always had a camera glued to our hand.  But, I braved the massive piles of photo albums that are slowly falling apart and the stack of CD's that we have managed to burn ever since we got our first digital camera in 2003, and had a wonderful time traveling down memory lane.

This is something that I do quite often.  I'm not really sure why.  I suppose I just really enjoy remembering "how things used to be".  And let me tell you, how things used to be and how they are today are very different.  Not in a bad way, it's just different.  Different house, different town, different church, different people, etc.  For me to look back approximately 7 years is almost like looking into a completely different lifetime.  I'm sure this is something that everyone can relate to.

However, in looking at all of the differences between then and now, there was one thing that stuck out to me that really hasn't changed much at all:

...the presence of this lovely face.

I think that most of us have at least one friend, one person outside of our family circle who we trust with absolutely everything.  I count myself very blessed to have such a friend and to have had her for so long!  At the risk of being mushy, I must say that I love Jen so very much and I am so thankful for her.  I honestly don't know what I'd do without her and I don't tell her that nearly as often as I should.

Jen and I have known each other since 1998.  (As my niece, Haley, would say, "The NINE-TEEN HUNDreds????  Are you KIDDING me????????)  Believe it or not, we met when our parents signed us up for the homeschool basketball team when we were seven.  I think they did it simply so that they could be entertained once a week by watching a bunch of six and seven years olds toddle around the court, randomly stopping to put our hands on our hips and yell, "You're doing it wrong!".

After that horrific experience (I found out very quickly that I was not to be the basketball star that my mother was...) we saw each other occasionally as we both participated in community plays and then, after my family joined the homeschool group, our friendship really began to flourish.

We're both approximately 11 years old here.

Christmas 2003

Fourteen years later, I can honestly say that Jen has taught me a lot, whether she meant to or not.  For instance, she introduced and gave me an appreciation for slapstick comedy and showed me that it really is possible to watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in one night after swimming 6 races in a swim meet and driving for and hour and a half.  Ok, so I watched it through half-closed eyes, but I stayed mostly awake!

All kidding aside, I really have learned a lot just by being around and watching her. 

At the beginning of our friendship, I suppose you could say that we were the odd-balls out.  We just happened to be weirder than the other weird homeschool kids (scary thought, isn't it!) and were sort of left to ourselves most of the time.  While I furiously tried everything I could possibly think of to make myself fit in, Jen just sat back, watched, and happily went on with her weird ways.   I'll never forget her looking at me and saying, "You know, I just don't understand why you think it matters that much."

It took about seven years for that to sink in to my thick skull, but it finally did!

Trying to avoid boredom while our younger siblings

were rehearsing their play - 2003. 

2003 - Me in the infamous purple dress and Jen in

the coveted blue dress.

I suppose there comes a time for all of us, when we're growing up, for us to find out who our friends really are.  That time came for me just before my thirteenth birthday.  I remember it like it was yesterday, and yet I couldn't really tell you how it happened.  It just did.  All of a sudden, I looked around and everyone was gone.

Except Jen.

Let me tell you, God knew that He was going to have to find an incredible person who would put up with my highs and lows and in-betweens and survive it, and He found her!  If anyone were to ever ask me what a true friend looks like, I would immediately point them to Ms. Jennifer Elise.  It's safe to say that everything I know about being a friend to someone else, I learned from her, though I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to manage it as easily as she does.

We've really been through a lot together.  Laughter, tears, pain.  I'll never forget pushing her down the hall in her wheelchair after her foot surgery and ramming her foot into the corner.  We both cried for about 15 minutes.  Then of course, there was the time I fell out of the tree, the time we nearly collapsed with laughter after I stepped on my skirt and nearly lost it while on stage in front of a huge audience, the time she nearly fainted when we had to dissect a starfish (I didn't feel sorry for her because I was to busy being irritated that she got out of the icky mess and wondering why I didn't think of the fainting idea first...), the time we choreographed an entire dance routine to the Larry Boy theme song in her living room, oh yeah, and the time I practically handed her first place in the spelling bee because I forgot to say "capital A" when asked to spell "America".

2009 - We managed to talk one of Jen's brothers into

being our photographer. ;)

Over the years, we've become virtually inseparable.  So what if we now live about one and half hours from each other?  When you've got cell phones, email and Facebook, anything is possible!

Our conversations usually cover just about everything.  And by everything, I do mean everything.  It's so nice to have someone to whom you can say virtually anything that pops into your head, whether it be silly, serious, theological, spiritual, emotional or otherwise, and they won't write you off as a total psychopath.  Of course, this is probably because we usually feel pretty much the same about just about everything.  I'm sure there are some exceptions, but I can't think of any!  I'll never forget the first time we sat down and had our first, serious, woman to woman talk.  I think we were probably thirteen or fourteen and after it was over, we leaned back, looked at each other and said, "Wow, this is pretty cool!"

2009 - 17 years old and ready for graduation!

May 2009 - If you've never been to a homeschool graduation,

you've got no idea what you're missing!

Today, we're still weird and going strong!  We both look a little different than we used to, our teeth are straighter, we learned how to fix our hair, wear make-up, and we both wear glasses.  Hopefully, we're also a little more mature than we used to be, but otherwise, things haven't changed much.  Topics of conversation have changed a bit, but 2 1/2 - 3 hour phone calls are still the norm.  The inside jokes are still just as funny, and we still love embarrasing the "little ones" even though they aren't so little anymore.  (It's a whole lot easier to embarrass 6 ft tall little brothers than it was to embarrass the 4 ft ones!)

Now, that we're both rapidly approaching our twenty-first birthdays, I have to sit back and wonder what my life would have been like without Jen.  Honestly, I can't imagine it.  She's been the best friend that this quirky homeschooled girl could have ever asked for and I wouldn't give her up for the world.

I love you, Jen!  And I look forward to a lifetime of friendship, because, as the saying goes:

"We will always be friends - you know to much!"

metropolitan isolation

Yesterday, I was sitting in the car waiting for Sarah to come out of the doctor’s office. I was facing a four-lane street in a part of town that is extremely congested, especially at this particular time of day. Cars were whizzing past at a rather alarming rate. There were shiny new cars, old and worn out cars, some were painted brilliant colors and others had mismatched doors and hoods.

Having accidentally left my book at home, I was trying to entertain myself with what had been set before m, and my attention slowly turned from the cars themselves to the occupants behind the tinted glass. What I initially saw was quite funny. It is interesting what people do when they think no one is looking. Needless to say, I saw some very unique facial expressions! I couldn’t help giggling when I saw an older gentleman facing the window and rolling his eyes while his wife prattled on in sweet oblivion.

The more I watched, I began to notice other things. Many people had their cell phones held to their ears. Some were talking in such a frustrated manner that I felt as if I were watching a silent movie. You know, the ones with the people wildly waving their arms and jumping up and down like they’ve lost a few of their marbles. I saw a few smiling faces peering out of the glass and some were even laughing. There were many couples, both young and old. It struck me that most of them wore very irritable expressions, and if they weren’t engaging in a heated “discussion” they were sitting in silence, each staring blankly out the windshield.

Occasionally, I would see little arms flailing around in the back seat. Toys were being tossed around, an occasional scream would erupt, and Mom would be trying to console little Johnny with a snack or some juice. There were some lone drivers. This group varied a bit. There were happy faces singing with the radio (I even saw one waving an imaginary microphone), some were talking to themselves, some smiling, and a few were wiping away tears. Occasionally there would be cars that were so loaded down with people that it was amazing to me that they were actually rolling down the road. There were girls out shopping, laughing and giggling all the way and the guys were out just trying to “play it cool”. I saw all kinds.

As I sat there taking all of this in, I suddenly began to look at each car as it’s own little world. These “worlds” varied in size as well as in personality. Some contained families and others only a few people and still others could only boast of one occupant. Each one had it’s own story; it’s own hopes and fears, problems and predicaments, joys and praises. It seemed that all of these mini worlds were in a heated race to who knows where. At a glance, one would notice only that there were hundreds of people. But, if you look deeper, you realize that there are hundreds of people, yes, but they are completely isolated.

Now this may seem ridiculously obvious to some of you.

“Of course they’re isolated,” you say, “they’re in a car!”

Bear with me for a moment. Lets take this same scenario and place it into a different location.

Last year my family and I were fortunate enough to be able to visit Washington D.C. That trip involved a lot of “firsts” for me. One of the most memorable experiences was, believe it or not, riding on the subway. I learned a lot about the big city in that one seemingly insignificant experience. First, never sit in a seat that is facing backwards, even if it’s the only one available. You will get sick! Second, personal space is virtually non-existent, especially at rush hour. Third, no one, I repeat, no one wants to speak or to be spoken to. This was discovered the hard way. I tried to engage in a conversation with the woman next to me, trying to be polite since we were basically sitting on top of each other, and she nearly snapped my head off. On other occasions the person would just completely ignore me or they would give me a biting glare that made me wish that my dad were sitting a little bit closer for protection.

As I sat there, wedged into my seat, and reflected on my failed attempts at being friendly, I began to look around the car. There were more than fifty or sixty people in that one car, maybe even more. People of all shapes and sizes, personalities and backgrounds, residents and tourists, different colors and fashions were piled into that car. There was a huge diversity of people on that train and not one word was spoken. Aside from the sound of the train barreling through the underground tunnels and the speakers announcing the upcoming stop, there was absolute silence. Over and over again the train would stop, the doors would swing open and people would disappear into the darkness and their places would inevitably be filled with others that looked even more sour than their predecessors.

My sensitive and inherently friendly southern nature was shocked. During our forty-five minute commute I saw hundreds of people come and go and no one spoke a single word. Teens and adults alike were plugged in to their Ipods, others were reading books or newspapers, and a few were just staring into space, but no one seemed willing to acknowledge the fact that there were other human beings on the train.

These people had no excuse for their isolation. They were not alone in a car. They were not surrounded by walls that created mini world that was cut off from the outside. They were on a train with hundreds of other people, like sardines in a tin can, and yet they were still isolated. Imaginary walls were wrapped tightly around the mind and the heart that created a mini world, the center of which was the individual. Their hopes their struggles, their joys and fears were all bottled up inside and they resisted people like me who tried to penetrate the icy outer layer of the atmosphere of their little world.

This realization made me want to cry. I wanted to stand up and make a scene trying to get these people to realize what was happening. I saw all of the conversations that could have been that are lost every day. Imagine all of the new friends and acquaintances that might have been made - the new things that might have been learned. Most importantly, imagine all of the opportunities to encourage others and to be a witness for Christ that are lost forever.

I see this problem in my own life as well. I have been accused on numerous occasions of being something of a hermit. These accusations are partly true. While I love having fellowship with others and meeting new people, I love being home even more. If you were to ask me if I’d rather go shopping with a group of friends or stay at home, I would definitely choose to stay at home. While I like to think that this stems from my love of being home, I have recently come to realize that, deep in my heart, I just don’t want to be bothered. For whatever reason, the exertion of going out and engaging in fellowship with others, whether it be at a church dinner, going out with a friend, or just being friendly to the people standing in the thirty-minute line at the Walmart check-out, just doesn’t appeal to me on some days. I can always come up with other more important things that I could be doing elsewhere or, even better, at home.

Of course, this makes no sense really, because once I start talking to someone (no matter who it is) I love every minute of it. I always benefit from fellowship once I get into it. It’s just the “getting into it” part that I like to fight against.

That voice telling me that I just “cant be bothered” is the voice of lies. You know, that voice that you’re constantly telling to shut-up and leave you alone but never really seems to take the hint? It’s the voice that whispers,

“You don’t have the time to listen to her go on about her problems.”

“That call will take forever, just call back later when you aren’t so busy.”

“She doesn’t need encouragement! If you say anything you’ll just embarrass her and make the whole situation worse.”

“Why put yourself out to talk to someone you don’t even know? They’ve got a cell phone. Let them call someone if they want conversation.”

All of these arguments can be pretty convincing. Especially if your outlook is completely me-centered. But, as Christians were are commanded to treat others the way we wish to be treated. (Leviticus 19:18) Would any of us say that we can’t be bothered with ourselves? Of course not! In fact, it is in our nature to act as if the entire world revolves around us. If you don’t believe me, just baby-sit a toddler for a couple of hours. This is the sinful nature of man. We are taught by the world to “look out for number one” and that it’s “every man for himself” and the life is really just the “survival of the fittest”. Do you hear how selfish and unloving this is?

Christ calls us to something higher. He said that the second greatest commandment was to love you neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). I think we would all agree that we love ourselves, but how many of us could come up with even one other person that we love as much as ourselves? How many of us can say that we tolerate the faults in others as much as our own? (Luke 6:41) That seems to be asking a lot.
This means that I have to love my sister when she is hogging the computer when I really, really need it, or at least, when I think that I need it, because she has just as much right to use it as I do. I have to have patience with the person who is pouring out all of her woes even when I think I have better things to do. I need to take the time to talk to someone who maybe just needed hear a friendly voice or to see a smiling face. Even the cashier who has a line back to the meat department needs some grace. After all, isn’t that what I would want others to do for me? How would I feel if I knew that maybe others felt that they “couldn’t be bothered” with me?

Maybe you’re out shopping, on a train, or just going to a gathering at church. Please don’t isolate yourself from those around you. Take the time to encourage someone, even if you just flash them a friendly smile as you pass by. You never know the good you might do just by stepping out of your own little world and engaging in someone else’s.