Over the years, I have noticed that most of the people I know seem to have a tendency to define me based on something that I do or even the way I look. I think that I've been called just about everything that there is to be called (thanks to my university experience), but there are some things that just seemed to stick:
"Oh, you're the girl that plays the piano." -
That would be me!
"You're one of those homeschooled kids, aren't you?" -
This one was always followed by a plastered smile and a hasty departure, or a torrential downpour of nosy questions that almost always began with, "So, what do you do about friends?"
"Oh yeah, you're the girl that sews her own clothes, right?"
-Well, not all of them. Goodwill helps out some. :)
"Oh, you belong to that family that has all of the curly hair!"
It's true. Some people we haven't seen in a while only recognize us because of our hair.
People have referred to me in these ways for as long as I can remember. The homeschooled one got old, but for the most part, it never really bothered me. It was all true, so why should I care? However, over the past few years, people have started using a word in reference to me that I absolutely abhor. This six-letter word haunts me. I find it lurking in corners, plastered all over Internet ads, popping out in songs playing in the grocery store, it even found it's way into my own family's mouths.
What is this horrible, six-letter word? Well, I'll tell you.
Single.
Yes, you read that right. Single.
Words cannot express how much I dislike this word. Every time I hear it, it conjures up visions of a disheveled young woman sitting in a dark, lonely apartment, watching soap operas 'til the wee hours of the morning, clutching her box of Kleenex while pulling her hair and wailing about her lack of a man. A little dramatic perhaps, but this is my concept of the word and how it is used.
Single is commonly perceived as synonymous with
alone. I think that every woman would agree that her worst nightmare is waking up one morning and finding herself alone. So, when some well meaning, married individual comments on or asks me about my state of "singleness", I cringe. I understand that they don't mean for it to be offensive, but it is. People discuss "singleness" as if it is a horrible state to be in and then they go about trying to "fix you up" and make it all better.
If I were indeed "single" then perhaps I would appreciate the gesture. However, I am most certainly
not single.
No, I am not engaged. I am not involved in a courtship, nor do I see the potential for one in the foreseeable future.
How then can I insist that I am not single? I can because I am not
alone.
On my thirteenth birthday, my Dad presented me with a promise ring. Along with it, I
received a large frame that contained each of our promises and what they meant. While my promise was to remain pure, in keeping with the Word of God, until my wedding day, this was Daddy's promise:
This ring represents many things to me:
First of all, it represents my promise to you -
That I will be an example to you of a godly husband and father
as the Head of our household.
That I will protect you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
That I will raise you in an environment that is safe, secure, and nurturing.
That I will provide you with the tools to resist temptation.
That I will train you up in the way you should go, so that when you are old,
you will not depart from it.
And that I will pray for you and and your future husband regularly.
How then can I call myself single or alone? I have my Dad standing along side of me every day and I know that he will continue to do so until he gives me away on my wedding day. I am so thankful for him! I know that I am not alone. In addition to my Dad, I have my heavenly Father, in whom I give complete control of my relationship status. That being said, why should I worry? God has a plan for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)
For a long time, I had my own plans. Everything was figured out, right down to how old I would be when I got engaged. I assumed that everything would happen for me the same way that it happened for my older sister (no one told me that it didn't work that way!). Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that His plan did not include being married before I was nineteen. His plan did not include being engaged or married as I watched the majority of my friends walk the aisle in their white gowns or hold their precious babies. No, His plan didn't allign with mine, but you know what? His plan is better! For every thing that I thought went wrong, He gave me something ten times better! I have have been given opportunities that I never could have taken advantage of if I had been married. By choosing to remain at home, I also have the luxury of spending valuable time with my wonderful and loving family that I would not have if I were married. I get to work with my parents. I get to spend precious time with my sister and watch her grow up. I have a flexible schedule so I can help others, or lend an ear when it's needed. For these things, I am so thankful!
Do I want to get married? Most definately! Am I concerned that it doesn't seem to be happening any time soon? I think about it occasionally, but it doesn't bother me. Why should it? God is in control and I have a wonderful life right where He has placed me. Until He sends Mr. Right along, please don't feel sorry for me. I am simply an unmarried young woman who is enjoying living her life at home with her family and giving glory to God for every day of it.
